Paridade

(A huge Roman amphitheatre, sparsely attended. REG, FRANCIS, STAN and JUDITH, the People's Front of Judia inteligentia, are seated in the stands. They speak conspiratorially.)

Judith: I do feel Reg, that any anti-imperialistic group like ours must reflect such a divergence of interest within its powerbase.

Reg: Agreed. Rogers?

Rogers: Yes, I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the movement never forgets that it is the unalienable right of every man...

Stan: Or woman.

Rogers: ...or woman to rid himself...

Stan: Or herself.

Rogers: ...or herself...

Reg: Agreed.

Rogers: Thank you, brother.

Stan: Or sister.

Rogers: Or sister...where was I?

Reg: I think you'd finished.

Rogers: Oh. Right.

Reg: Further more, it it the birthright of every man...

Stan: Or woman.

Reg: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan? You're putting us off.

Stan: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.

Rogers: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

Stan: (pause) I want to be one.

(pregnant pause)

Reg: What?

Stan: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta.

Reg: What?

Loretta: It's my right as a man.

Judith: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

Loretta: I want to have babies.

Reg: You want to have babies?!?!?!?!?!?!

Loretta: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

Reg: But...you can't have babies!

Loretta: Don't you opress me!

Reg: I'm not opressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb. Where is the foetus going to gestate? You're going to keep it in a box?

(Stan starts crying)

Loretta: Sniff.

Judith: Here, I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies.

Rogers: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister! Sorry.

Reg: What's the point?

Rogers: What?

Reg: (pissed) What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?

Rogers: It is symbolic of our struggle against opression.

Reg: Symbolic of his struggle against reality.


Monty Python's The Life of Brian